Hollow February 24, 2007

Creatures are not born with desire unless satisfaction for those desires exists. A baby feels hunger: well, there is such a thing as food. A duckling wants to swim: well, there is such a thing as water. Men feel sexual desire: well, there is such a thing as sex. If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world. (C. S. Lewis, Mere Christianity)

I have never thought of it that way but it does make me smile in wonderment. To think that the reason for these occassional general sense of disatisfaction can be attributed to the fact that I’m not really what or who or where I should be… Hmmm. It reminds me of a news I read on www.nst.com.my (story only available in the non-free archive section) a few weeks ago of how two babies were accidently swapped: a Chinese-Indian baby to a Chinese family and vice versa. Years later somehow the truth was discovered and this Chinese-Indian daughter eventually met her biological parents. For more than 21 years, she recalled living a life full of ridicule, endured endless uncalled for remarks and feeling out of place. Though it will never make up for the past, but I can imagine that the knowledge somehow relieved her knowing now of her true identity and origin.

Seeking serenity February 23, 2007

There is something about Friday evenings that would draw me into a state of peace and placidness. Even though the day may be long and energy-absorbing my inside would do a little jig thinking about the personal, quiet time far from the madding crowd. Maybe I won’t deny that all these years of Sabbath-keeping has habituated me into a custom of assuming the respose act at the end of each work week. Still, I relish the period between the blush of the last rays till the few seconds before I sleep as mine… Throughout growing up and college years, I’ve always associated Friday evenings with vespers, friends, music practices and then quietness once I was in my own space. Gradually all these changed and I’m inclined to be overpowered by the latter. In fact I am a first-class hermit on Friday evenings.

Soo… what shall we do this evening, Ita? Hmm, maybe take a longer shower. Then later be cocooned in bed with an equally mind-tranquilizing kind of book. Maybe make a tune or two on the piano. Or perhaps just sleep early with the hope that there is no more bad dreams – God knows what I went through this week.

On that note, I will now keep silent. Amen (;

*Kelentong February 15, 2007

I consider today good. Had classes six straight hours which ended at 2:30pm. My kelentong skills have prospered the last six months and my apprehension about teaching in a classroom setting is slowly neutralised by this gross feeling that I kinda enjoy kelentong-ing. But I must say the new batch of students this semester is wonderful. To me they are a mixture of sunshine, pretty flowers, chirpy birds and funny squirrels… Whatever that means.  I love them (:

*kelentong – to bullpoop