A Sandy Adventure September 30, 2007

Among other things today: The Sabbath. A one-day fast – for the first time in many years. Drove my car again after a few weeks of break. The decision to start jogging/brisk walking again.

        

But the highlight of the day was a sandy adventure with a couple of girlfriends. Deb, Flo and I decided to revisit Dantai beach a few hours before sunset. It had been raining earlier but luckily even the drizzling stopped by the time we arrived at Rasa Ria Resort Tuaran. Well, we headed for the public beach. Since it had rained quite heavily instead of seeing the normal sandy path there were several pools of water which to me looked like mini lakes. I, being weak-hearted after several mishaps involving my ever faithful Kelisa, was hesistant to cross those pools thinking they might be too deep for my little bug. Luckily a man on an ATV led us through the shallow parts. Even then, it was quite deep and I could feel water seeping into the engine. Eeek but phew! I think Mr. ATV guy couldn’t resist helping because Deb was screaming prettily, “Kasi ikut kami! Kasi ikut kami!” Hehehe, I’m so proud of you, Deb.

   

Well, after spending some time on the horse dung-covered beach (yes, sad kan?), we decided to head home. I guess crossing the mini lake the first time took some of my confidence away. What if we’re not so lucky the second time? What if water not only get into the engine but into my car? So with those lovely thoughts in mind, we went looking for alternative routes. My desperate attempt brought us to a secluded path along the beach. No other vehicles were in sight and it was getting dark. We continued going, hoping that soon we could reach the main road. Soon the path turn sandy. Very sandy. In fact it was 100% dry, soft sand. The car was moving slower and ever slower. Then suddenly we realised I was sinking my tyres deeper and deeper into the soft sand until finally I couldn’t budge. We got out of the car to check our predicament and behold we were stuck! At first we tried putting planks underneath the tyres so that they would have a sturdier foundation to move. Well, that didn’t work. Then, Deb and Flo flexed their muscles by pushing the car from behind. Naaah, didn’t work. From the front. Didn’t work either. Nevertheless, it was an effort worthy of an award :)

We agreed we do need some masculine help. Debbie called up one of our male friends to rescue us but it would still take at least 30 minutes to reach our place. It was already getting darker and thoughts of being attacked and raped by dark, faceless men in the middle of nowhere were not very appealing. Did we have weapons? Yes, we did. Two umbrellas – one the folded type. Eeek! We needed to do something fast. Suddenly from the beach we heard the sound of ATVs. The funny thing was instead of honking the car we screamed and shouted. Then they passed by. Just when we thought we lost them, they returned and this time Flo ran like a superstar and caught hold one of the ATV riders. Finally! What a relief to see four ATVs coming towards us. One of them was Mr. ATV himself! I could read his expression – you girls again?! Hahaha. So, they helped us get out of the sinking sand and liked it or not we had no choice but to cross the mini lake. Well, we survived and live to laugh about ourselves :)

         

(Thank you, Flo for photojournaling our misadventure…  Heehe)

The Visit September 28, 2007

After work today I went to the hospital to visit one of our students. He’s got cancer of the throat but I think it has now spread to other areas of his body. They’ve just conducted a biopsy on the bridge of his nose where a new swelling was found.

The fact is that he’s at the advanced stage and he’s only 19 years old. As I think of him now, he’s been trying to live a normal life by going to classes, hanging out with his friends and doing what normal teenagers would do despite the physical evidence of his sickness. He is so skinny and always weak looking. Anyone with his condition should be staying home, resting and getting the proper medication. But not Danny. He was adamant to do it his way.

Come to think of it, some of us plod on through life without zest especially after going through a bad experience or even a mere stomach ache. Visiting Danny today made me look at life as a struggle. It is not his choice to be ill. But he made the choice to live his to the fullest. Perhaps life itself is not a choice. But living is. We can choose to be happy, forgiving and loving despite the odds or we can choose to wallow in self-pity, pain and hatred. Every day, every minute, every second of life is precious. Today will not pass this way again.

Be strong. Choose to live. Choose to be happy.

Insomnia September 27, 2007

 I’m back at work after taking a one-day medical leave yesterday. Not that I was sick but I just wanted to sleep. So slept I did half of Wednesday. For some unknown reasons, I had trouble sleeping the last several nights. I normally hit the sack at about 10 or 11 pm and right way turn into a sleeping log. My comfort enhancers, Body Pillow and White Pillow (one on each side), were even at loss then as to why they were not successful in drugging me unconscious. The worst was Tuesday night. Just after 10pm I plunked on the bed but was awaken about 1am. And I just couldn’t get back to sleep. Eyes closed shut but the mind was the one doing the blinking. Blink, blink, blink in the dark. Eventually I did fall asleep at about 4am. It was a terribly, lonely experience. Everyone else was sleeping soundly and there you are lying helpless and battling with awakeness.

Anyway. Today marks another passing of time. And I console myself: Age is just a number, Ita. Age is just a number :)

The Road to Success – Not! September 25, 2007

And the no-classes days continue… I’ve been eating aplenty the last two days. Today was no different – rice and fish soup for breakfast; rice, tempeh and raw anchovies cooked in lime juice and young mangoes for lunch; and then Yoyo chocolate milk tea, chocolate toast and lekor (fried fish nuggets) for the remaining afternoon. OK, I made myself useful too. Finished marking the assessment papers and ready to prepare the record.

Well, the highlight of the day was a meeting at work. The rulers of the empire (a.k.a. management) gathered their rented peasants (a.k.a. the employees) for a session of gentle reminding and that turned into blatant reprimanding (as the mic was passed on from the smallest ruler to the greater ones) and later promises of rewards, sponsored upgrading, extra dough for those who meet their expectations. If it was an attempt to encourage us to be a better team member, I think it was done in poor taste. In the end I still feel like a rented peasant. What is this talk about “I expect you to work beyond your salary” and “waiters should not demand”? Using these terms while knowing fully well there is an ongoing issue of punctual payment is clearly insensitive and demeaning. I don’t care if this man is rich and powerful, it’s hard to feel any sincere respect for him.

On a happier note, I gave my an advance notice to my immediate superior that the next three months would be my last with them. It was much easier to decide after the meeting today. Hehe. No, I don’t believe I’ll stop teaching English for good. Just a change of pasture.

The other interesting thing about the meeting was that, the management provided us with details of the empire’s 5-year plan. I looked on with bland awe. Plan 1: Be the most domineering empire in the world. Plan 2: Acquire its own kingdom with its own buildings, training camps, barnyards, chicken farms, prison cells, etc. Plan 3: Achieve an annual turnover of RM11 million. Plan 4: Expand its empire to the neighboring countries, specifically the Philippines. Plan 5: I kinda forgot but it includes superlatives and a dash of arrogance. Hmm. Overall impression? Highly ambitious. But knowing their aggresiveness (or ruthlessness), this 5-year plan may not be impossible. It will certainly look good in the eyes of the world and to the competiting empires but I won’t be surprised seeing more and more disenchanted employees if they continue to use people like machine.

Maybe I’m being too harsh with words but it does feel good to let go some of these discontentment. Well… Still smile I will. Three months is not too long to wait. :)

Fair Monday September 24, 2007

It didn’t rain today. The weather was fair. Some fair weather is needed occassionally to remind us the true colour of the sky and brightness of the sun.

There were no classes to worry about today. Students are on their study week before facing the final exam. I have about three more weeks to finish up the paperwork that’s currently a pretty pile my desk. And it doesn’t help to know that next semester I will be teaching 18 hours per week not including the Remedial English classes. Fhooo!

Well. Truthfully, I’ve been contemplating about calling it a day to English teaching and concentrate on piano instead. I’ve pushed myself too hard the last half year and the pressure then came with it me made me do a lot of things (consciously and unconsciously) which I realised were destructive – socially and emotionally. As a mental note, I need to take time off. Do some bridge maintance/mending and more importantly indulge in some personal projects involving music.

Like I said, some fair weather is needed occassionally even for the soul. Have you seen the blue sky lately?

Enter the Weekend September 22, 2007

! Scheduled maintenance begins in 1h 42m.

This notice showed up as I logged in this blog. So I’ll write a short entry enough for a few minutes read. Generally the week treated me fairly well. It was the last week of the semester before students have their final exam, but for my English students it was assessment week. Well, I enjoyed the oral assessment most because as much as I know how intimidated most of them get when asked to speak more than one sentence long of English, there are still creative juices flowing in them. And I was on the lookout for any leaks.

Me: If you were given ten thousand Ringgit, what would you do with it?

Student A: (confidently) I will buy a car, a house, a laptop… (drone on)

Me: Hold on. Ten thousand Ringgit only, OK?

Student A: Yes. Ten thousand Ringgit. I will buy a car, a house, a laptop… (drone on)

Me: (smiling outside, crying inside) Hmmmmmm… OK.

* * * * *

Me: If you were given RM10,000, what would you do with it?

Student B:  Erm… if I given ermm one, err ten hundred Ringgit…

Me: No, it’s ten thousand Ringgit.

Student B: Oh, ten thousand Ringgit… I would erm… buy clothes and erm… shoes.

Me: (wait a few seconds more)

Me: That’s all?

Student B: (grin) Erm… Yes.

Me: (smiling outside, smiling inside) Hmmm… OK.

* * * * *

Me: Why do you think there are so many wars?

Student C: (blink) Was?

Me: Wars. W-A-R-S.

Student C: (blink) Wars? Err… Miss, what is that?

Me: (not smiling outside, crying inside) OK. Let me ask you another question.

* * * * *

I’m smiling as I’m typing this entry. Teaching can be such fun but I have lost my mind a few times along the way. I wouldn’t say that my students are bad. They just need encouragement and time. Some gave up coming to class after a few sessions and I don’t blame them for disliking something that they don’t know much about.

Well, weekend is here and I should stop blabbering about my week. It’s Alumni Homecoming at my old high school.  Saw my name on the bulletin just now with a “Class of ‘91″ next to it. Man, that really made me feel my age.

OK. I better sleep. Got to try to look younger for tomorrow. Haha.

“Once Upon a Time” September 19, 2007

By Gabriel Okara.

Once upon a time, son,
they used to laugh with their hearts
and laugh with their eyes,
but now they only laugh with their teeth,
while their ice-block-cold eyes
search behind my shadow.

There was a time indeed
they used to shake hands with their hearts;
but that’s gone, son.
Now they shake hands without hearts
while their left hands search
my empty pockets.

“Feel at home”! “Come again”;
they say, and when I come
again and feel
at home, once, twice,
there will be no thrice–
for then I find doors shut on me.

So I have learned many things, son.
I have learned to wear many faces
like dresses – homeface,
officeface, streetface, hostface,
cocktailface, with all their conforming smiles
like a fixed portrait smile.
And I have learned too
to laugh with only my teeth
and shake hands without my heart.
I have also learned to say, “Goodbye”;
when I mean “Good-riddance”;
to say “Glad to meet you”,
without being glad, and to say “It’s been
nice talking to you”, after being bored.

But believe me, son.
I want to be what I used to be
when I was like you. I want
to unlearn all these muting things.
Most of all, I want to relearn
how to laugh, for my laugh in the mirror
shows only my teeth like a snake’s bare fangs!

So show me, son,
how to laugh; show me how
I used to laugh and smile
once upon a time when I was like you.

In the News… September 18, 2007

I once had a neighbor, a Korean lady, who used a blunt approach to make her kids eat up their food. She pasted sad pictures of children from famine ravaged countries on her dining table. Newspaper printed pictures of dark, nude skeletal remains of humanity, barely alive. She said that she wanted her kids to be reminded at each meal that somewhere in the world there are people who are not as lucky as they are to have food at every meal. Don’t waste your food, ai-derel!

Not relating to famine but a friend said that if you ever feel sorry for yourself, go read the newspaper. News of late are full of depressing stuff – plane crash in Phuket, earthquake in Indonesia, children molested and killed.

The type of news that really breaks a heart is where innocent kids are being used by adults as an outlet for some maniacal urges. In the news today:

CNN – John Evander Couey was sentenced Friday to death for abducting, raping and killing 9-year-old Florida girl by burying her alive in 2005.

NST – A naked body of child who was sexually ravaged was found stuffed into a sports bag. She was between the age of 6 and 9… Post-mortem revealed that the child had…  OK, I don’t want to continue. It’s too terrible to repeat. Go read it yourself, thaw your hearts and pray to God that the person who did this would receive direct punishment from God soon!

The Real Story September 17, 2007

Is education all about transferring knowledge to a learner? What does it take to be a real educator? Can I throw students out of the window if all else fails?

It’s been four years since I last switched from being a cubicle worker to a teacher. If you were to ask me now what is education?, you’ll probably hear me mumble that it’s all about going to school and getting the necessary certificates to get a decent job. Hehee. Maybe that’s one reason why till now I still feel like a con artist for having gotten the designation as member of the academia. Truth is, I have never wanted to teach. Given the option, I would rather hide behind the stage curtains and be contended with providing background music for some plays. I never liked speaking in public and till now I still have sweaty palms whenever I stand in front of the class. After some time, I come to believe that a job or an occupation has a way of choosing its hosts. Yes, I made an effort to avoid teaching by wrapping up myself into music – my first love. I did part-time projects of accompanying musicians in public performances, I wrote (corny) songs as a make-believe that I was into something worthwhile, I even played in a hotel twice weekly as a means to expand my repertoire (just in case I got famous). Haha. It was all a lovely pursuit but I discovered I was a hopeless entertainer.

So teach I did. As a last resort. Anyway, I was not getting any richer. Like I said, a job has a way of choosing its hosts. I believe I’ve been conned into teaching. I know that not everyone has the talent to teach or be an inspiring teacher like some of my good friends are. Despite my meager understanding, education is no doubt important. It changes lives for the better even though the fact is most people are hard to change. Teaching can be a challenging field and I don’t know why it picked me. For now I’ll follow its lead. Maybe there is a diverging trail along the way… So walk on, walk on, walk on.

Orange September 14, 2007

 

I like orange. The colour. (I like cows too, by the way.)

I have my orange short-sleeved shirt-blouse on today. It’s my one and only orange piece of clothing actually. Though once years ago I did own a pair of orange knickers. Heehe. Orange reminds me of zest and spunk. Like the essence of citrus, sweet and sour – though just sour enough to make your eyes twitch and your tongue quiver with life. 

With a longer weekend in sight – Monday being public holiday on the occassion of Sabah’s King, Yang Dipertuan Agong’s birthday – I’m thinking of some more orange things to do: Bathe my orange dog. Decorate my scrapbook (with some orange designs). Eat mooncakes with that lovely double yolk filling. Yummy! Watch the orange sunset by the beach. :) Ahhhhh…. What would you do with orange?