The Loss February 26, 2009

It feels like dying. I lost him. And I have to accept the truth and move on. There was no other way to make it work after all. Everyone I consulted with said to ditch him… he was a gone case. My heart broke.  

I don’t know how he crept into my system all this while. Time was his ally, I suppose. They worked side by side to hook me to him. Each time I touch him, he touched my mind and an unseen bond created. We spent so much time together building a world, a reality and sometimes fantasy.

I’ll never forget the last few days I spent with him day and night trying to resurrect the good old days. I wanted to prolong the hope - it was in fact a prolonged torture. I can’t change your mind now. You are no longer the same.

The time has come.

Sigh.

I’ll have to reformat you, my dear laptop. Your malware infection is just too messy to handle. Boo-hoo-hoo!

Infected and Dejected February 19, 2009

Malware infection on my precious laptop.

Avira antivirus didn’t fix it. Neither did Avast antivirus. So deleted both of them. Someone suggested AVG and ESET NOD32 antivirus. Well, I tried the later and still waiting for results. Another person suggested I reformat my drives. But I don’t have the installation CD that should come with the laptop. I should have it bah kan? Not kah?

Anyway. This should keep me busy. Will give space for updates later on.

The Only Way… February 19, 2009

…is to keep busy. Mind and hands preoccupied. Mouth opens only when necessary :) Don’t pick  up every damn calls on the phone. Keep the heart beating by feeding it meaningful, soothing music. Avoid people with negative energy. Play with four-legged furry creatures often. Take one day at a time.

Life is more than what’s past.

The Non-Mystical Part of Love February 14, 2009

I suppose there is nothing to be baffled about love. There is no need to wonder what to make of love. It is after all a verb – pertaining to action. It shouldn’t be just some word gushed at the brink of emotional insanity. There are plenty of books and movies out there that portray what love shouldn’t be. And in the simplicity of mind, some innocent fools mistaken lust for love. In the end, it’s the poor cow that gets the blame when the milk turned sour.

If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing…

To a certain extent I believe love is an act of giving yourself to someone (or people) whom you care about deeply without reservation and without expecting anything in return. But in practicality, no one can truly live a contented life by merely giving and giving and yet not receiving or being appreciated. I’d imagine that there is a dire consequence (whatever that may be interpreted as) of living a life in the absence of love. That feeling of emptiness is a vacuum that cannot be ignored. It is a space that needs to be filled because not matter what you say, love is life itself.

Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking…

Someone said that love is a decision. And we think that means chosing to be picky! Sometimes we treat love as a private reservoir only meant for those who we think deserve loving and care. Keeping in mind that there are many shades of love (between parent-child, husband-wife, friends, siblings, fellow human, God-human, etc.) we can still love everyone and anyone without losing ourselves or our dignity. Love isn’t just for people that we know. It can also be for people whose background we know nothing about. Maybe it is in this aspect that love becomes a mystery for its act of kindness and mercy which isn’t easily explainable or rational to human reasoning.

Love never fails.

Having said all that, I doubt love is all about complete selflessness. Equally as important as love for others is love for self. And that’s not said in a selfish tone. We need to love ourselves enough to learn of our self-worth and preserve it. To some that could open one of the many doors to the understanding of love. Love needs growing too. Be wise enough to discern when to halt giving or receiving in order for growth to take place in an individual then perhaps we have successfully perpetuate love… and acted on it.

On Golden Pond February 9, 2009

There is only one thing you can do when all around you isn’t as pleasant as it should be. Imagine you’re floating on the rays of the sun… and everything will be alright.