Habits Die Hard July 27, 2009

Hmmm. Maybe it is possible to do everything that one wants or needs to do with the time given at hand… And it’s not about wanting to be a firewoman, a mayor and  a ballet dancer all at the same time. It’s about getting things done within the timeframe given. It’s about being realistic with your own capabilities and making sure you follow through with what you say you’ll do. It’s sad but my sole enemy right now is my own mind. I had  a list of things to do yesterday. Sad to say, I only managed to do one item off the list. It wasn’t even “1. Build a boat” … It was a mere 200-word write-up! Freak!

I can only reflect now that I’ve let certain habits of the mind to take root and now I’m struggling with meeting deadlines. Not only that, I feel I’ve been very lazy with what little I know. Instead of improving step by step, I become complacent with what meager tools of mind I possess. Why? isn’t the right question right now but How?. I’m thankful that there is always someone or something that reminds me that I can be better. Truly there is no satisfaction in doing things without giving the best. It only undermines confidence in yourself in the end.

At the Moment July 23, 2009

1. It’s 9:38PM. I’m alone with my alone-ness. It’s self-consuming and a bit scary.

2. This morning I woke up 5:30AM. My first really early morning in 3-4 months. Hmm. Actually I was woken up by another peculiar dream involving a boy who’s gonna leave me, Botak Chin gangster invading my area, and then me returning to my old room at SAUC. I’m disturbed at the fact that I get easily disturbed by a dream.

3. I realized afterward that I do miss spending time with 5AM’s. He doesn’t speak a word. He allows me to think of higher plains even yonder. I get rejuvenated without lifting a finger.

4. I’m laughing at myself. It’s not only men that I’m afraid of sometimes. But girls as well!

5. Once again, I’m kindled by poetry, prose, poems and poets. Although on the average I have no clues as to what they’re made of and what to make of their prettily arranged words, but I think I’ll make the investment even if the return is 0.01%.

6. There are two reading reports to be made by tonight. I will give myself 30 minutes and then sail away to slumber land.

7. I should be writing less nonsense at this age :)

Breaking the Silence July 20, 2009

So sad. July is almost finishing and still no marks on the calendar indicating an entry.

I should write more often. Like most of you, my brain is also tickled every now and then by an incident, an event, a person, and words said or heard that made an impression. Unfortunately, most often I rather keep my thoughts and reactions to myself thinking that perhaps I’ll save it for my next blog entry. Sadly, they didn’t even make it to my personal journal. Why this slackening spirit when it comes to writing? It’s like not being bothered to show a facial expression (at least!) when someone smiles at you, or acknowledges you as you walk pass. Sigh.

But seriously, I’m ravished by so many things right now. Every week at least two reading reports from books that are as heavy as a sack of potatoes. Then at least three times a week piano students to guide or gobble up. There are other extra-curricular including writing, making music and taking photos mostly for the college. Well, this isn’t a lament or a complain. These are all opportunities to grow… And I’m happy to be occupied this way.

Anyway, lemme stop here for now. I’ll try not to prolong the silence next time. But if the silence is way too long, it’s perhaps I am still in existence except in another form :P For my Sabahan friends, think of me once a while kio! I have you in my thoughts each time I access whanita.wordpress.com.