Switching Lanes June 16, 2009

Summer vacation is almost over. I’ve been driving on the slow lane for the past one and half months… I don’t know whether to be relieved or to be apprehensive when classes begin. However, it is time for another change. Another transition perhaps, mentally and emotionally.

I got to know a few significant individuals much better this summer and they reminded me that hearts are made to be fragile and yet always hopeful. (Well, at least, mine is.) I’ve been warned a couple of times not to be to open and trusting. Still I can’t help being just that even if I’ve gone through a million lies and pain. It may sound sadistic but I sometimes welcome the kick where it hurts the most. Heeh.

Well, some goodbyes are due soon. Hmmm, maybe by then the long-awaited rain will truly come.

Goodnite and don’t forget to honk before you switch lanes :)

Birds June 11, 2009

Am I ready to fly now?

Pre-Monsoon Rain June 6, 2009

Yesterday evening it rained heavily for at least one hour. The new house proved to be totally vulnerable to the wet attack. Rainwater leaked from all the windows and threatened to flood the bedroom and ruin the mattresses, books, and whatever was laying on the floor. We met the landlord to complain about the leaks and he promised to come 8PM the same night.

Well, no one showed at the door anytime after 8PM. What can you expect? This is the same guy who promised to fix curtain rails by this week. And he never did. The same guy who promised to repaint the house before we moved in. And he never did. We always end up fixing things ourselves. Palui kan? Anyway, I figured I’ll just hang rubbish bin bags on the window grills  to prevent rain from coming in.

I think I’m quite ready for the real monsoon rain. It’s about time this parched, dusty and hot country gets some liquid-ish tender loving care.

Summerhill May 21, 2009

I’ve been engrossed with a book written by A. S. Neill for the past couple of days. Since my lips are still swelling from my eating spicy foods, I decided to skip going to the college and stay home until my lips do not look lepriously chapped! (Have made appointment to see the dermatologist tomorrow about this).

Anyway, back to Summerhill. It’s an old book, written in 1960 regarding an exceptional and peculiar school that  does not follow the norm of schools during those days.  A progressive or free school, educationalists call it. And free it is. For pupils are free to be themselves and not be confined to what parents, society or teachers want them to be. And most significantly, growing up in the absence of fear. In some ways it is a controversial way of raising up a kid but according to the author it is because of the restrictions (in the name of guidance and propriety)  we put on children when they were growing up that they develop some kind of incurable neurosis (of varying degrees) as adults. And because of that, according to Neill, the reason why we have a society that is filled with lunatics, sadists, self-centered and egoistical grown-ups. Read more about Summerhill school here. Yes, indeed, his school still lives today.

I don’t know what constitute good parenting. I’m no parent and I don’t know if I’ll ever be one but I agree with the author on one thing. All children should be happy. All children deserve a happy childhood. I read somewhere that the most crucial passage in a child’s life is the first five years. This is where the child will form her/his basic perspective and attitude towards the world. And function with such attitude from then on. So the notion is if so-and-so appear pakked-up, blame it on some deprived, unhappy childhood. (Wasn’t that the excuse Michael Jackson told the court when he was accussed of child molestation?)

Anyway, I have yet to finish the rest of the book. It has been an interesting read and I’m noting down things worth remembering when I have my share of kids in the classroom later on.

Stuff May 13, 2009

1. Sky is still breathing fire between 11AM-6PM.

2. I’m having my own “quantum of solace” for at least 3 weeks :)

3. New apartment is getting use to my presence. But the ever-flying dust continues to be like a naughty hard-to-control toddler. Can’t help especially when the main (dusty) road is just a peek down from the window. Every two days I have to wipe the floor with wet cloth. Broom alone won’t do…. Sigh.

4. Classes only begins sometime after June 19. Have at least one month to defy boredom and maybe do a mini-trip somewhere nearby. Current project which should finish in a week is helping someone type a dissertation, and figure out how to arrange the meager book collection at the media centre. Anyone wants to donate? Books especially on education, teaching, learning, psychology. Contact me. I’m serious.

5.  Admitting rather sheepishly that yes, I prolly need to go to a club and meet new people. (But why do men look terrifying to me? Eeeh.)

6. Someone offered to buy one of my songs. Heeh. Naturally am flattered. Even got me daydreaming in the toilet and I forgot to wipe my pee.

7. Had a pleasant conversation with a guy with no eyelashes today. I tried not to stare but hey my mind is another thing. It said, probably he’s hairless all over too :D If he talks to me again I’ll…

8. Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet shades on the heel that crushed it (Mark Twain). So take your chances D and make a difference in your life and the lives of others.

9. Talked to the folks recently. They still occupy their time with people, church, and occassionally parangs in their hands while clearing unwanted vegetation (probably taller than themselves) in their precious lands. The last feat worries me but I know they get some kind of happiness exerting their energies like that…

10. Been sleeping 2AM for the past one week. I looked in the mirror today and saw stuff that I think shouldn’t show yet. Not at least another 5 years or so. Unless I’m a buhangkut. And I’m not one. (Sorry, I don’t know what is buhangkut in English).

11. Girls, please take care of yourself for yourself. Use sun screen – there is a better way to die than of skin cancer. Also, don’t eat too much of either oily, salty, or very spicy food. You know darn well, they contribute to ugly complexion – unless you have plans to look like a buhangkut. (There goes the word again!) Keep a simple and neat hairstyle. Use of some make-up won’t hurt (unless you don’t wash them off before sleeping at night).

12. There is a reason why people need to sleep before 12 midnite. My mind roams and talks non-stop even while my mouth is shut.

Still May 8, 2009

(Yes, Ben. I’m still melting from the heat!)

Other than that I have nothing new to write about. Been spending my days like a little rodent distracted by the sweltering heat and scurring from one hole to another looking for a cooler shelter. Alas none to be found. Altho I heard it’s cooler 6 feet underground :)

We’re still having summer vacation till mid-June and I lazily bring myself to the college trying to start my writing project which I told everyone the reason why I’m back in India earlier. Ha! I’m still nowhere near Chapter 1. Even having a proper topic is an illusion. But at least I vowed to be serious about my reading more academic books. Well, I did bring some books home yesterday. One was titled Entrepreneurs are Made not Born (Lloyd E. Sheesky) and the other Without Feathers (Woody Allen). Nothing academic about both though… Hehehe.

Well, will see. Maybe by next week I’ll be more disciplined.

(Says, the unrepentent procastinator.)

Bah, have a flu-free weekend.

What Heat? May 1, 2009

I’m back in India. Rather reluctantly I left my beautiful Sabah expecting a harsh summer heat upon arrival. I wasn’t disappointed. For the past two nights, I’ve been sleeping like a basking seal on a sunny beach. What to do… The current house we’re occupying is poorly-ventilated and without any fans. But tomorrow night, we’re moving to a new apartment with more windows and better rooms. It’s also nearer by 15 minutes (walk) to the College.

Everyone says the heat during the day is unbearable. In fact the city recorded a high 41 degree Celsius three days ago. So fearing the worst, I stayed indoors as much as possible. But nevertheless, ever the curious nincompoop I went out at 3:30PM this afternoon just to check if I would slightly die in the sun. By that time the heat probably had subsided just slightly. For 20 minutes I purposely walked under the sun sheltered only by my lavender monsoon umbrella. There were other pedestrians and motorists on the streets but not as many as other days during the same time. But I was the only one with an umbrella. Hehe.

Another five more minutes walk and the wind started to blow bringing intense heat like that from the kitchen of a busy Chinese restaurant. Luckily it lasted only for a few seconds. My umbrella couldn’t do anything to shield me as the heat was engulfing and surrounding rather than fire-spotting me from the sky. After a while, I began to get use to the fiery air, fortunately without any ill-effect even afterwards. The only discomfort was from the usual menace – the dust.

Later, I stayed a little longer at the air-conditioned bookstore a little over yonder and waited until the sun sets a bit before I started back to the house again. Hmmm, how I wish that roads would be lined with shady trees again. They do much better service than the umbrellas in our hands. Isn’t it sad that every time a road-widening effort takes place trees would be destroyed with no replanting in sight? And isn’t it sad that every time you hear a Go Green campaign in your city it turns out to be just another popular phrase?

Well, after today, I think the stay-indoors-until-the-sun-sets advice isn’t too bad to heed.

I Want it Slow April 20, 2009

Tomorrow refuses to exist in my mind until tomorrow comes. And yesterday blends with today. I’ve lost count of time but today I realize it’s already the 20th which means eight more days of squandering time and energy enjoying lazy days at home.  I want it slow. The days are just flying by.

I don’t think I went out a lot. In fact going out was just to do the necessary – paying the bills, meeting up friends, buying groceries – then I hurry back home to my haven consisting of my bedroom, the TV, kitchen, family meals together, the internet, my Gingergirl, books, writing, movies, my bed, junk foods I grew up with, long afternoon naps, etc. I hope by the end of this month, I would have gained 3 kilograms which I have lost the last few months. Thankfully, they’ve been plenty of foods to glut on since the first day being home :)

Well, I can’t say enough about how rejuvenating it feels to be back home… They’ll be plenty of pictures to share – once I have resized them. In the mean time, here is something thoughtful from Dr. Steve Stephen’s 21 Surprisingly Simple Steps to a Great Life: “Being thankful keeps you focused on the positive… Thankfulness leads to optimism, which overflows into hope and joy. Gratitude reminds us of all we have.  It causes us to embrace life with a sense of excitement and expectation. It brings us to a point of appreciation and celebration. The difficulty in being thankful is really a crisis of creativity. We take so much for granted that our eyes grow old. We don’t recognize the incredible things that surround us each day. If we would only stop and look around, we would see a multitude of things for which to be thankful.”

Like a Melody April 12, 2009

Molly Johnson again painted the mood right. It has a nice light tune. I’m listening to every word. Listening.

Under the Shelter April 4, 2009

It feels good to be back! Back to the familiar grounds of family and home, and seeing the differences time brought in within the last eight months. The family house is undergoing renovation and it has been repainted golden yellow. Which reminds me of smiley face. The most exciting part is that my nieces and nephew have grown! I listen with wonder as they talk in full sentences describing minute observations – cute nonsense or surprising intelligence. I can feel my heart swelling up like a rising tide for them. Joy-joy, who has just turned 4, asked me to help him draw an apple tree today. And so I tried:

Me: OK. Let’s draw the tree first.
Joy-joy: (held on to his pen while I “moved” the top end of it)
Me: Here’s the trunk…
Joy-joy: The twunk?
Me: Yes, the tree trunk. And then we’ll draw the leaves…
Joy-joy: (excited with the cloud-like shape of the leaves)
Me: Now, let’s draw the apples on the tree.
Joy-joy: No, no… I don’t want apples on twee.
Me: Errr… where do you want the apples?
Joy-joy: Here (pointing to a space just next to the tree). One apple.
Me: (surprised but complied) OK. Here’s the apple.
Joy-joy: (obviously happy) See? Apple twee! (pointed to the apple first and then the tree)
Me: Aaah… Apple. Tree. Apple tree :)

Man, the way children think… So unlike us whose minds are fixed into a certain mold. Their minds swerve like a flying bird, bounce like an uncontrollable basketball and flex like a rubber band. I think I’ll find myself relearning whenever I spend time with them.

Today is Pa’s 67th birthday. He’s no longer young but thank God he’s still healthy. The family is giving him a surprise birthday party this evening – a token of our gratitude for all he has been to us.

So for now, this will be my shelter.